The True Power Of Oprah

Oprah is the kind of woman that can make or break you. She can give you riches the likes of which you have never seen, and she can easily take them from you in a heartbeat (remember the guy who wrote A Million Little Pieces? He's floating at the bottom of Oprahs garganutan fish tank...probably). Is that more power than any person should have besides the man upstairs? I'd like to think so. In this day and age, anything done by Oprah is the new law, and you must obey. So if Oprah told her millions of adoring female, mostly fair skinned fans to kiss each other, would they do it? You better believe it! It seems Oprah has been getting some attention for apparently giving her friend Gayle a little too much attention. I 've never thought of Oprah as possibly being into the whole carpet cleaning business, but to each his/her own. But just for the record, who would really wanna think of Oprah and her best buddy goin down for some raw eatin'? Those kind of thoughts scare people. It scares me. Then it hits me, If Oprah was a lesbian, she'd be the most powerful being ever. Think about it, Oprah is nearly untouchable. Other than her fluctuating waistline, her biggest enemy is the lesbian. They have powers over women Oprah could only imagine. And each time Oprah crosses paths with one, she goes down faster than...well...i could make an oral sex joke here but there'll be more of those to cum (see, i told you!!). Looking back, Oprah was once thwarted in her plans for world domination by the dreaded hyper lesbian known as Rosie O Donnell. At the peak of her stardom, she was more popular than Oprah, snagging all the emmy's and emma's she could get her hands on, then she just disappeared. it was like the ending of War Of The Worlds: total control, then it just stopped. Everything was fine and dandy. Oprah was on top again, and she was giving out cars to celebrate her domination of us mere mortals, and then it happened, again. This time it was from an even more powerful lesbian by the name of Ellen Degeneres. To this day Ellen has danced over Oprah for two years in a row. But how? Is The Oprah broken? Hardly. She's just getting ready for the biggest upset in television history. She is about to become a lesbian, and she will destroy us all. Once her Jimmy Choo shoes cross the line into girl on girl intimacy, Oprah will have transcended to a higher power where she will be untouchable. She'll discover the cure for every major disease in the world, she will stop global warming, and she will finally be able to fly. As for Steadmond, he'll be behind her every step of the way. But not too close, because Gayle will be watching.